The most common stories I hear from friends are about their mother-in-laws. They tell stories of snarky remarks, dishonesty, backstabbing, and so much more. I honestly could make a whole separate post of in-law horror stories that would leave your jaw on the floor.

Personally, I think we give in-laws a bad reputation. Through media, it is often ingrained within us that there is almost an expectation to hate your in-laws. Unfortunately, that causes a lot of miscommunication and drama where there doesn’t have to be. The goal of this post will be to address some common misunderstandings that happen in in-law culture – because trust me. There are a lot! While all aspects of this post do not apply to every mother & daughter-in-law relationship, many will still relate!

**Disclaimer: People that I know may read this and think, “Wow, Hailey must have such a terrible relationship with her Mother-in-Law!” No. I honestly have been so blessed with a mother-in-law who communicates clearly and is so inclusive. I love her so much and feel so lucky!**

We are not trying to steal your son.

We get it. He is your baby boy. Your pride and joy. You have spent many many years caring for him and helping him to be the man he is today. And we are so grateful for that. Because of all of your efforts, we found someone we want to be with forever. Really – we think you did such a great job that we want to keep him eternally. But even though we are marrying him, it doesn’t mean in any way that we are trying to “steal him” from you. No, we want you to continue to be in his life. He loves you! And we love that he loves you. If you feel any hostility towards us or see us as a threat, please stop. We do not have bad intentions.

You do not need to triangulate your son into our issues.

Okay so maybe you don’t feel 100% comfortable with us yet. We haven’t grown up in your family and come from a different background. When you have an issue with us, it may feel safer to go through your own son who knows us well enough to pass on information in a kind manner. But really, we are adult women just like you. We are fully capable of having a one-on-one conversation when you have a problem. Besides getting to talk it out like two adults, we also get the chance to get to know you better and strengthen our relationship. When you choose to go through your son, you deprive us of that chance to get to know you and also you unfairly drag your son into it. He shouldn’t have to deal with our messes. We are grown women. We got this!

We want to truly get to know you.

Please know that you don’t have to put up a front when we come and visit or over phone calls. Just be yourself! You don’t need to put off the air of being ‘super mom’. We sincerely want to know you and have a relationship with you. This is hard to do if you feel pressured to be something else.

Don’t make him choose. We are now a one unit item.

Sometimes we might make choices as a couple that you aren’t a fan of. Please don’t make it about you or make your son choose between us or you. That’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to him. We will do our best to accommodate you when we can, but sometimes we won’t be able to.

When we set boundaries, don’t take it personally.

We might have to set boundaries sometimes. We may choose not to come home for the holidays or not participate in every Sunday dinner. We are starting a family of our own, similar to what you did when you first got married. In order to do that, we need to start our own traditions that might not include all of yours. That isn’t to say we don’t enjoy the traditions of your family – we just want to start some of our own.

We might even need to set some boundaries about what information is shared between us. We may not feel comfortable sharing how much money is in our bank account anymore, but that’s not because we don’t trust you! It’s because we don’t feel like that information needs to be shared with others.

We admire you.

At the end of the day, we are so grateful for you and all you do. You raised an amazing son. And you are an amazing mother who we want to get to know better. Have patience with us as we navigate the new world of in-laws. We’ve never done this before, and maybe you have never done the daughter-in-law thing either. We can learn together! Keep being patient with us and don’t be afraid of communicating with us if you fear there is a bump in our relationship or something else you’re concerned about. This isn’t a competition for your son’s love. Rather this is a beautiful new relationship between you and me.