When I was five years old my little sister was born. I was thrilled and adored her. I would climb into her crib and pretend to read with her and beg to take her on walks in the stroller. I wanted to hold her all the time! These feelings came naturally to me and I knew even then that I wanted to be a mommy someday.

Within a few short years my seemingly simple life, began to get very confusing. For one thing I started public school and had to wear a dress every day, which I hated. I wanted to play football, baseball and match box cars in the dirt with the boys at recess. But I was told that I couldn’t because I was a girl. I was teased about my short hair. I liked my short hair because it was easy to do unlike my older sister’s long hair. Worst of all, I began to get bullied. One day at school a boy called me a “tomboy”. I didn’t know what it meant, but I was sure it was something terrible. I looked it up in the dictionary, where tomboy was defined: An energetic girl who likes outdoor activities and whose behavior and pursuits are considered to
be boyish. Now I was really confused! “What’s wrong with a girl liking outdoor activities and being energetic?”

My inclinations as a tomboy came as natural and normal to me as the yearning to be a mother someday. Yet, I was made fun of for being different and even some grownups made me feel like there was something terribly wrong with me.

By the age of nine I felt alone, angry and afraid. I often wondered what my future would be like and if there were any other girls in the world like me? I remember wishing I could be like other girls, but then would quickly change my mind because playing with dolls, baking cookies and doing ballet was so boring to me. I believed in God and vividly recall praying, “Why did you make me this way if it’s the wrong way to be?” I was pleading with God to change me because of the rigid gender stereotypes emphasized in my culture that were teaching me that my instinctive and genuine desires were wrong.

What a blessed day it was when I finally met another girl who was a tomboy like me. We quickly became best friends and frequented each other’s homes. She lived close to the local high school, and ofttimes I would walk home with her after school. One day when we were twelve years old, we were happily skipping arm in arm from our junior high past the high school. As we did so several teenage girls brushed by us and began to laugh and call us names. I had been called many names before but never, queer, faggot or homo. Neither my friend nor I had a clue what the girls were saying or why. When my friend’s mother explained what these slang words meant, my friend and I looked at each other in shock! Nothing could have been further from the truth. This experience proved to be the first of many times that I would be called these names, even while attending college.

I assume this happened because I was a female athlete, wore my hair short, loved activities that were culturally considered masculine and grew up in an era that had preconceived and generalized views as to what girls and boys should or should not do.

For example, boys play football, girls do ballet. Boys fix cars, girls fix food. Boys are
competitive, girls are submissive. Boys get to do shop class, girls get to do sewing class. I have repeatedly wondered how our society could be so off the mark and how this thinking ever got started?

Thankfully, some things have changed over the years. With the passing of Title lX, gender discrimination and equality laws, many improvements have been made. Yet, I believe we still have much to do.
I am so grateful for my husband who is one of the most kind, caring, compassionate, noncompetitive men I know. He can bake better than I do, he is tidy and has never once turned ESPN sports on the TV. For over 38 years of marriage, we have shared in every responsibility other than bearing our children. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, yard work, diaper changing, employment, carpentry, and cutting down trees. I could go on and on about the egalitarian relationship we share. Our three daughters have learned many of these skills, they also understand that gender has nothing to do with activities or interests they enjoy. They also know that for birthdays, I want Home Depot gift cards so I can build something new or buy another tool! Some men and women may find satisfaction in fulfilling culturally driven gender roles which is totally acceptable.

Unfortunately, socially constructed gender roles can often limit an individual’s choices, which otherwise could bring happiness and feelings of value. Having experienced gender bias in my own life, I know how difficult it can be when people associate activities with gender.

I believe that people want to be understood and feel useful as their true authentic selves. We are born with unique talents and abilities and should have equal opportunity to develop these gifts, whether instinctive or acquired, regardless of our gender. Activities should be neutral, not masculine or feminine. We all need to feel free to learn and explore our inherent interests, regardless of societal norms.