I had a mother come to me for therapy not too long ago. She was upset. Her fifteen-year-old daughter had become sexually active with her boyfriend. This dear woman was anxiously engaged in enforcing stricter rules. Despite her efforts, her daughter was not conforming. I invited the daughter to come to therapy with her mother. As we talked together, it became apparent that inappropriate dating behaviors had been clearly discussed in this home (Don’t kiss passionately, don’t touch each other in private body parts, don’t lay down together, etc.). Unfortunately, guiding sexual principles had not been understood.

Being in the world, but not a part of it, encompasses the imperative need we have in communicating reverence for the human body. For my body, your body, and everyone else’s bodies.  Bodies are sacred. They house our spirits. Together the body and the spirit create the soul of man. When a man and a woman come together sexually there is a uniting of souls; his body and spirit with her body and spirit. His naked body has a naked spirit, her naked body has a naked spirit. The souls of both come together. This is a holy communion consecrated and set apart for a man and a woman in a marriage relationship. Her naked body is divinely designed to be shared only with her husband who has covenanted to eternally love her naked spirit. And, likewise for the man. Sharing our bodies in marriage provides opportunities not only for sexual pleasure and fulfillment, but also for the emotional integration of our spirits. This process completes us.

Much as the man cannot be without the woman nor the woman without the man, the body cannot be whole without the spirit. Understanding this most sacred relationship empowers us to live more wholly. I abruptly learned this principle in a very personal way. The unexpected death of my husband, Mark Mulford, on February 8, 2002, will be a day forever ingrained in my mind.  As I looked at, cried over, and touched his lifeless body in the hospital that night, my mind screamed, “Where is he?”  This body, which had so beautifully housed my husband for forty-four years, was truly a shell for the greater substance…the spirit. The spirit is so much more than the body. Spirit is matter; it physically takes space; it is warm and alive! Countless times since Mark’s death, I have felt his spirit with me.  Occasionally he appears in my dreams, but most frequently I feel his active warmth when he is near. His body is long since deteriorated, but his spirit lives on forever.

As women, we have the capacity to directly channel our Heavenly Father’s spirit children through our bodies! This warm, active, matter or intelligence is capable of existence when a woman gives life to a child. A life begins when a man and a woman have sex. The Savior stated, “To what end was I created?” May I suggest that the capability for husbands and wives to create life, to provide bodies for unborn, yet living spirit children, is the most fundamental purpose of our existence? Understanding this most basic and sacred principle will do more to guide sexual behavior than any instruction regarding the do’s and don’ts of chastity in dating.

I highly recommend reading Jeffrey R. Holland’s BYU Devotional, “Souls, Symbols and Sacraments” to more fully understand the significance of chastity. It was given in January 1988. There is also a YouTube recording found in BYU Speeches.