Let me guess, it’s your first Valentine’s Day as a couple and you’re worried. Do you buy her a gift? What if she doesn’t buy you anything – will you look dumb? If he doesn’t show up with flowers does it mean he isn’t as invested in your relationship as you are? These are all questions I have heard from friends who were dating someone on Valentine’s Day. Navigating expectations about both the holiday itself and your relationship can be tricky! These tips should hopefully help.
If you aren’t communicating, prepare for disaster.
Even if you just recently started dating, it is important to communicate. You may be 99% certain that your girlfriend has no expectations for Valentine’s Day, but you could be shocked at the 1% chance that she is upset you didn’t show up with flowers or didn’t make a dinner reservation somewhere nice. This could also go the other way as to where you think she has high expectations and so you go all-out, but then she feels a little overwhelmed. Communication is KEY!
Talk about where you both feel you are at in your relationship. What things do each of your hope for on Valentine’s Day? A night out or in? Will you be exchanging gifts – and is there a spending limit on those gifts? Talking about things like this help to avoid unpleasant surprises. You may be thinking, but wouldn’t this eliminate all surprises?! Which would be concerning because surprises can be fun, right? But surprises can still happen when you communicate clearly. If you agree on a night out, take charge and ask if you can plan the whole evening on your own. You decide on exchanging gifts? Attach a heartfelt letter at no extra cost that will surely be memorable for your partner. If anything, communication allows for more exciting surprises because you are more confident that they will be welcomed!
Learn about each other’s love languages – and do something accordingly.
I imagine that most of you have heard of the five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, service, and gifts. Your love language is essentially the way that you feel the most love from others. For example, my love language is words of affirmation. One of my most prized possessions is a letter from my husband telling me about the moment he realized he loved me. Those words mean so much to me! My husband’s love language is quality time. So when we watch a TV show together or something, he wants me to be fully present watching with him. If I get on my phone or am simultaneously trying to do homework, it takes away that “quality” aspect and he leaves more frustrated than rejuvenated.
If you are unsure of your love language, I would invite you to take this quiz. It presents a series of scenarios that you choose between and at the end it lets you know your love language! In reality, a person can have multiple and so looking at the percentages of where you fall in each category can be really helpful. Be sure to relay this information to your partner, and perhaps ask them to take the quiz as well so that you can show them how much you love them in a way they will be more receptive towards!
If you learn that your partner loves gifts, maybe put a bit more thought into what you get for them. If they have service as a love language, maybe try and do a task for them that they don’t normally enjoy. There are lots of options for the many love languages! Have fun with it!
It’s OK to keep it casual!
I think the biggest thing to remember in a dating relationship on Valentine’s Day is that casual is totally okay. I think there can be a lot of stress created, especially in early relationships, about how to spend Valentine’s Day. If you go out with a group of friends, or not at all, that’s great! If you do end up spending the day alone, this Valentine’s Day post for singles has some great suggestions on ways to celebrate the holiday on your own.
