Adding a new baby to the family is a crazy transition full of big changes, both bitter and sweet. While I always love to focus on the great parts of parenthood (baby yawns what!) the accompanying difficulties can take a toll on any relationship. Luckily, with some intentional effort, you and your partner can power through new challenges and spend more time enjoying your new baby! Here are a few of my best tips for couples transitioning into parenthood:

Practice ‘restarting’ every morning.

Taking care of a baby who needs to eat every few hours will likely lead to sleepless nights and midnight tantrums (from both baby and parents). Some of my worst fights with my husband have happened in the wee hours of the morning when neither of us were well rested, happy to be awake, or saying what we really meant to say.

A very helpful tool for us has been to use mornings as a time to restart. We forgive ourselves, each other, and the baby for whatever happened in the night, and then we focus on starting the day with the right mindset! Here is an easy way to start your day right:

• Take a deep breath.
• Think of one thing you are grateful for.
• Say an affirmation, such as “I am strong”, “I’m going to be a warrior today”, or “I can make today amazing”.

Intentionally starting the day on a good note can help your family leave rough moments in the past. Don’t let bad days spill into tomorrow; instead, give yourselves the gift of starting each day right!

Give each other time for self care.

One of the hardest parts about transitioning into parenthood is that you suddenly have someone else relying on you 24/7! This can be overwhelming both physically as you tend to the baby’s needs, but also mentally as you stress about the baby’s health and safety, not to mention all of your personal/home/family/work tasks on hold.

Couples can help care for each other’s mental health by volunteering to be 100% in charge of the baby for a specific time period. Make sure to plan this time weekly, if not daily for the first few weeks so that both partners can look forward to time for unwinding or working on personal tasks.

Then, when your spouse is in charge of the baby, make sure to use your time wisely! Although you may be tempted to shut your brain off by scrolling through social media, it might be more fulfilling for you to intentionally think of ways to check off your to-do list or rejuvenate your body, mind, and spirit. You might decide to go on a walk, read a book, take a bath, or meditate. Make sure to fill your cup so that you’ll have the capacity to take care of that sweet babe!

There’s no “right” way to parent, so value your partner’s different parenting style.

Ever wonder why there are so many parenting advice books? It’s because there is no one ‘right’ way to parent! There are some pillar values parents should have of course, but even between you and your partner there will be things that you do differently.

Instead of correcting each other, try to find ways that your partner’s parenting is helping your baby. For example, I started to notice that I typically hold my baby right up against my chest. It seems to me like this way often calms her down. However, I noticed that my husband holds the baby facing out and away from his body. Instead of correcting him, I realized that the way he holds her allows her to see the world much better! Facing outward, she’s able to see what is going on, explore her surroundings, and interact with the other people and things in the room.

Next time you notice your partner using a parenting technique different from your own, try thinking of the benefits or even ask your spouse to teach you about the why behind their tactics. Who knows, perhaps you’ll find that you want to change your own parenting style in some way!

Keep dating and loving.

Finally, make sure in all the craziness of having a baby that you dedicate time to just your spouse. Your relationship needs constant care, so set aside some intentional time for just that!

You might get a babysitter and go on a date. Not ready to leave the baby? Try putting away all distractions while baby naps and just chat. You might even schedule a time to make love, especially in the morning before you’ve run out of energy!

Although having a baby is a huge transition, you and your partner can work together to make it a happy one as well. Practice restarting each morning, give each other time for self-care, value your partner’s parenting techniques, and keep building your relationship. You got this!