Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned.

I was born and raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There are many specific beliefs associated with the Church that many people in the world disagree with, but that I cherish and feel to be true. Growing up, I had a goal to marry another member of the Church inside the temple (a sacred place where members of the Church make covenants to God at different phases of life), to be sealed to him for time and all eternity. There was never any question about how my life would go. At the right time and when I was ready, I would marry a man in the temple and we would raise our family in the Church. We would accept any callings or assignments extended to us. We would be a “power couple.” When I met my husband, I knew he checked every requirement I had set for myself to marry. He was an active member of the Church, he had served an honorable full-time mission, he was a worthy priesthood holder, and he had a strong testimony of the temple and of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We were soon sealed in the temple. 

Last April, just three months shy of our two-year anniversary, my husband decided that he no longer believed the unique teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He wanted “out.” While this may not seem like a big deal to people who aren’t actively religious or part of organized religion, leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ teach that marrying another active, believing member of the Church is the only way to have eternal happiness together. While I acknowledge the faults that exist within the Church, I still cherish the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It brings me happiness, and it works for me in my life. I did not want to leave the Church with my husband.

The words “Mixed Faith Marriage” are daunting, and it can be very discouraging if you find yourself faced with it. When my husband expressed his updated feelings about the Church, my mind raced back to the list I made as a 12-year-old about what my future spouse needed to be in order for me to be in a “successful marriage.” However, I also looked back at the last two years of being married and all the ways we have continued to fall in love with each other. I thought about how he treats me, how he treats his family and others around him, and how much we have grown together. 

It has been six months since this change. His beliefs continue to fluctuate as he navigates this faith transition, and I try my best to give him the space to freely explore where he stands with his faith and his position in (or out) of the Church without feeling any outside pressure from me. These six months have been scary, but they have also been extremely eye-opening in ways we didn’t expect. Our emotional intimacy has substantially increased as we have opened up about topics that we have never had to discuss in so much depth before. Our communication with one another has developed into a dimension that we didn’t even knew we were lacking in. Our love for each other has matured in a way that gives us greater perspective and outlook on our marriage. And I have come to learn a few things:

1. We can be happy in a mixed faith marriage, and we refuse to let anybody tell us otherwise.
2. I will not accept any pity-filled eyes in my direction. There is absolutely no reason to feel sorry for me being married to a man with different beliefs, and who is following the path he needs to follow to be true to himself. 
3. God still loves us both equally, and is not mad at my husband for his changed beliefs. In fact, his relationship with God has grown through this transition.  
4. Most of the qualities we both cherish that drew us together when we got married (God, family, service, kindness, acceptance, authenticity, gratitude, etc.) are still the same with or without organized religion. 
5. I do not have to pick between my husband and my position in the Church. I can, and will, have both.

Growing up, I always wanted to be a “power couple” with my future spouse, but I was wrong about the prerequisites for that to happen. Now, in a mixed-faith marriage, I know that we are more of a power couple than many active couples in the Church, because of our respect for our personal agency and individual life journeys.

The world needs more mixed-faith power couples. My husband and I are still on this journey together and we are far from perfect, but we are learning every day from each other and from other couples in this journey with us.