Having a baby is like a rollercoaster, there’s lots of ups and downs and sometimes you wanna get off. Being a parent is the best, but it’s also very hard. 

When you have a baby in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) it’s like you’re on a rollercoaster, and it’s on fire. 

When a couple finds out they are expecting, they typically imagine themselves buying little clothes and setting up a crib for the new baby. They would never imagine what it’s like to visit their tiny baby, covered in wires, in a plastic box. No parent imagines that having a new baby is going to be like that. I didn’t. 

My husband, Aaron, and I were so excited when we found out I was pregnant. It’s a boy! We started getting ready for this special heavenly addition to our family. We told our parents, moved to a bigger place, and researched the best car seats. Aaron and I stayed up late talking about baby names and everything was blissful. Besides being sick a lot, my doctor appointments went well and our baby was looking great. My pregnancy was very normal, until it wasn’t.

One day I felt that something was very wrong. I was 29 weeks pregnant and he had been moving alllllllll the time, especially after meals. But that day I noticed baby boy hadn’t been moving much. I felt prompted to call my midwife and she advised us to go to the hospital for a checkup. After arriving at the hospital, the nurses found my baby’s heartbeat and started monitoring it. A half hour later, a nurse came in and told us we would not be leaving that day. Three days later, our son Asher was born. 

In the United States, 10 to 15 percent of newborns are admitted to the NICU every year. This is not just for premature babies born before 37 weeks, almost 50 percent of babies in the NICU are full term with other health complications. 1 in 10 babies is born premature each year. The odds are more likely for you to have a premature baby than to be struck by lightning. 

Asher was born at 29 weeks and weighed only 2 lbs. He couldn’t breathe on his own so he needed to be on oxygen, and was given nutrition through an IV because he couldn’t take a bottle. He didn’t stay in a crib, he laid alone in a warm plastic box. It was devastating to leave the hospital empty handed. It’s not really something you can truly understand without having experienced it. 

Aaron and I would visit Asher everyday, during his 60 day NICU stay. There were lots of ups and downs, and there was absolutely no way to prepare for this. We don’t know why Asher was born early, and the doctors don’t know either. It was such a difficult time for us. Lots of people wanted to help support us, but didn’t know how. It’s likely that you might encounter someone in your life that has a baby in the NICU, so here’s a list of some ways to help parents while their babies are in the NICU. 

1. Food!!! Freezer meals, gift cards to restaurants, snacks to eat on the go, or a prepared dinner. NICU parents spend most of their time at the hospital. Some may have long drives with no time or energy to cook meals.
2. Offer to clean their house, or do their laundry. Household chores are often neglected since these parents aren’t home most of the time. 
3. Call or send a text checking up on the parents. Lots of people want to ask about the baby, and when the baby is coming home. While it is understandable people may want to ask this, it can be hard to answer these questions. Majority of parents won’t know when they can bring their babies home, and the status of their baby can change so much from day to day. It can be mentally and emotionally exhausting trying to explain the medical care of your baby, that you may not even fully understand yourself. Instead, speak with the parents about how they are really doing and feeling with everything going on. Be a shoulder they can cry on, and validate their feelings. 
4. Send gifts for baby and parents. Onesies, stuffed animals, and baby books to read to them, are great things for the baby. For parents; send a water bottle, a journal to document their baby’s time in the NICU, or thank you cards to give to their nurses. 
5. If the family has more than one child, offer to babysit the older kids while the parents spend time at the hospital. 

Asher just turned one, he is so strong! He’s perfectly healthy and our family is so happy! He is almost 20 lbs and you’d never know he was born premature. We could not be more grateful for the support we had while he was in the hospital. So many people brought us meals and gifts. One of my NICU mama friends sent us a special book about having a baby in the NICU. We had all his nurses sign the inside cover for Asher, it was such a thoughtful gift! 

Though Asher is healthy and home with us, we still have unhealed wounds. This experience changed us. We will never be the same people we were before we walked through the doors of the NICU to meet our baby. Not only did it change the way we parent, it changed our plans for our future family. Instead of looking forward to the future with hope, we feel lots of fear, and I don’t think that will ever fully go away. Now I have a personal mission to bring awareness to the reality of being a NICU parent. I hope to help people be better equipped to handle it, if it does happen to them, and to know how they can support other NICU families.