As school starts up again and Summer comes to a close, the excitement of Fall semester begins to enter. New friends, new people, and potentially – new people to date! Whether you are being asked, or doing the asking, first dates can be stressful. Beyond what to wear or what to do, there is a lot of unknown that goes into the infamous first date. As someone who has been on plenty of first dates myself, I want to share some insights with you that can make first dates more painless, and maybe even more enjoyable. I hope you enjoy them. 

#1: Be Mindful

The first tip for a great first date is to be mindful. In today’s fast-paced world flooded with snapchats, DMs, and constant content, it’s more important than ever to limit distractions and be present to foster meaningful connections. One easy way to practice mindfulness on a date is to put away your phone! When you asked or agreed to a date, you made the decision to spend a certain amount of time with someone. You might as well be present and make the most of it! What’s the point of going on a date just to scroll on your phone and browse what other people are up to? Put your phone on “do not disturb” and savor the moment. 

#2: Remove Unnecessary Pressure

Another problem young singles often relay to me is the added pressure of “dating to marry”. Simply put, many of us start thinking of deeper questions and commitments instantly when we are on a date with someone else. Instead of having a simple conversation, many of us find ourselves overanalyzing everything from what our date’s major is, to where they’re from, to even what kind of food they order. Instead of thinking what the 5 to 10 year implications are of their favorite ice cream flavor, we should just sit back, relax, and enjoy the evening. When you remove unnecessary pressure from your dating life, you will instantly find more joy in meeting people and making friends. You will have plenty of time to psychoanalyze their zodiac sign when you get home. (kidding)

#3: Be Authentic

In a world full of filters, edits, and distortions, authenticity can be one of our greatest assets to stand out and make a great impression on someone. Brene Brown describes authenticity as “let[ing] go of who we are supposed to be, and embrac[ing] who we are”. Authenticity isn’t eliminating any sort of self-improvement in our lives, rather it’s stopping pretending to be someone you’re not. Going on a date with someone you have a crush on can be intimidating! You might be tempted to fake interest in certain hobbies, religious activities, or even music just to impress your date, but in reality – most people can see through such facades. Even if they do “fall for you”, how long will it be until you’re tired of faking who you are? Your best bet is to put your best foot forward and be yourself. One of our deepest desires as human beings is to be deeply seen, understood, and loved for who we are – we can’t experience that joy unless we live authentically. 

#4: Be Respectful

The final tip for better first dates is simple, be respectful. When someone agrees to go on a date with you, they are being vulnerable and taking a chance on you! We should not take that lightly. One easy way to show respect is to be aware of time. No one wants to go on a marathon, multi-hour first date. Keep it short, sweet, and communicate clearly when you will pick them up, and when you will bring them home. Respecting their time by being on time and recognizing they have other things to do will go a long way in enjoying your time together. Another element of respect is honoring boundaries. There cannot be a worse way to begin a date by asking intrusive or personal questions that make your date uncomfortable right from the start. Get to know them, but be sensitive that this is most likely the first time you are meeting! They are not obligated to share personal information with you. The most important way you can show respect to your date is to show you are genuinely interested in who they are and what they have to say. To quote Dale Carnegie “A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”. Showing real interest in someone’s life is much more attractive and important to them than regaling them with stories about your life that they didn’t ask to hear. 

There is an unlimited supply of instructionals, youtube videos, and conferences about how to create the perfect first date. The truth of the matter is that there really is no formula and there really is no such thing as a perfect date – we humans are imperfect. But the beauty of that is when we are mindful, remove unnecessary pressure, practice authenticity, and show respect, we get to see each other for who we really are. We get to smile, laugh, and spend time with someone who took a chance on us. When we create conditions for authentic connection, we will find more joy in dating and make more meaningful friendships and relationships in this crazy journey we call life.