I was married for 20 years. It wasn’t all bad and it wasn’t all good. I felt like I gave it all I could give and sacrificed all for the greater good and my marriage still ended in divorce. I think divorce is supposed to be tricky. It’s supposed to be ugly and awful. The real trick is not turning ugly and awful through the process.

When we get to a point that we agree with God that “It is not good that the man should be alone,” then we begin contemplating the next move. Dating. That one word sure could cripple a soul at times! There’s so much more involved with just getting out there. It’s such a weird conglomerate of thoughts and feelings! I felt like I lost the game of musical chairs. I knew my divorce was the right thing to do (which was also confusing), but there was still so much more I did not know. I was navigating betrayal trauma (without even knowing the term at the time), raising 4 teenage boys, inadequacies, a heavy stake calling, my parents were on a mission, and I had to move. We were smack dab in the messy middle! I pity the kind souls that suggested adding dating to the mix! Through it all, I was often reminded to keep my line straight to God. There was not a lot of good direction with what I was supposed to do next! I was often surprised at the inspirations I would receive.

I think we’re all familiar with the beginning and ends of these stories. It’s the messy middle where I felt so lost and alone and completely unprepared. In hindsight, I recognize so many tender mercies and blessings that helped me put one foot in front of the other.

Once my divorce was final, I started going to Single Adult Firesides. I figured I should participate in my stage of life. The speakers were always amazing, and I enjoyed the extra minutes of peace in my week. I even took the same challenge I give my own children to stay until I had met 5 new people. It took all my bravery and energy to do that!

When I first created my online account, I would only respond to men who lived very far away from me. This was my way of telling my good Bishop I was doing my part without actually doing my part. A couple of them were fun to visit with, from far away.

Some people would try to set me up. That was helpful, because it wasn’t a total blind date. I always insisted on doubling with the couple setting us up. Thankfully, I had the good sense to revert to our family standards when I was young; Home before tomorrow, only meet in public places where you feel safe, always send your location to a trusted friend, check in with mom when you are home safe, etc.

The awkward first date. Own it. Call it what it is. If you both survive the awkward first date without verbally destroying yourself or anyone else, then try for a second!

I already knew I wanted a best friend. Someone with whom I could laugh, cry, serve, struggle, worship, grow, and succeed with. It was pretty easy to discern who had that potential. It was also interesting to see someone might have that potential, but they weren’t right for me. Stay so close to the Spirit! You don’t have to understand all the reasons to follow a prompting. That goes the other way too. Being prompted to continue conversing with someone was scary!

My current husband and I have been married about 3 ½ years. When we started communicating, we literally sent thousands of text back and forth. When we graduated to talking on the phone, it was for hours and hours. If I was at home, I would have him on speaker phone. My boys were curious about him, too! It was just fun getting to know each other! We started having deeper conversations and learned to trust in smaller levels. The honesty and depth were so refreshing! We realized we both longed for personal connection. When we finally agreed to meet, it was a natural next step! I was nearly to our meeting point when I started to panic. Wait! This is a real date! I was comforted when I remembered I was just meeting with my good friend. He had become a dear friend and I was excited to see him! No expectations, no future. Just enjoying the moment with a good friend. When I parked and was walking towards him, I panicked again! Do I shake his hand?? High five??? What do I do!?? Again, I was comforted. This is my good friend! I hug my good friends. It felt so good and natural to be near him. We laugh now about what that first awkward date was like. We both shared similar fears and reservations, and navigated it together. It’s one of my favorite love stories and there is lots more to tell, but this is an article about the messy middle.

I used to say it was a train tunnel trial. It was dark and cold in the train tunnel, but I had to keep moving to see where the light was shining on the path in front of me. To borrow President Holland’s words, “Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow and forever!”