Like many young people preparing for the eternity-long commitment of marriage, I suffered from a great deal of anxiety regarding the success of my soon-to-be marital relationship. My worries ranged from the inconsequential and frivolous to the more serious; often, it was hard to distinguish between the two, especially as our wedding date drew near. I wanted everything to be wonderful in my marriage, but I was also realistic enough to know that the “perfect relationship” I had envisioned would not always be my reality. I knew that relationships required a lot of work, that thriving wouldn’t happen overnight. As Tammy Hill recently shared, “the day you plant the tree is not the day you eat the fruit”. While this realistic perspective on my relationship gave me the confidence to join my imperfect life with that of another imperfect person, I often would allow this realism to transform into thinly-veiled cynicism. My hopes and dreams for what the relationship could be were squashed to pieces by the pragmatic voice in my head that would inevitably remark, “if this was really the right relationship, wouldn’t it be effortless?” I hated whenever the phrase “make it work” was applied to a relationship because, shouldn’t real, loving relationships naturally thrive instead of being made to work?
Recently, in a class titled “The Writings of Isaiah” at BYU, we had a discussion on the background and context of Isaiah’s writings, with the intent of preparing us to better understand his teachings. We learned that Canaan, the land God had promised to His people, had many characteristics that made it an ideal dwelling place. It was uniquely beautiful, boasting mountains, valleys, deserts and bodies of water that made farming possible in the intensely hot climate. The land was also a convenient land bridge at the intersection of three continents, which made it an ideal area for trade. At first consideration, the land seems a perfect and obvious choice for the promised land–but every blessing that Canaan offered had its caveat. The climate was just hot enough that if the land did not receive enough rain, devastating famine would ensue. And since it was coveted by the nations around it, Canaan was always a target for attack. As the professor invited us to ask any questions we had about the readings for that week, a young woman asked,
“Why did the Lord choose Cannan as the promised land? It was so beautiful, but it was so hard to live there.”
Without missing a beat, my professor replied,
“I think that is exactly the point.”
He went on to explain,
“God made Canaan the promised land so that the children of Israel would not be able to survive without His help.”
Realization dawned on me and everyone else in the class. God knew that His people were quick to forget everything that He had done for them. He knew that He needed to put His people in a position such that it was essential for them to remember their covenants with Him in order to survive. And not only survive, but “prosper in the land”; to not just “make it work”, but to thrive. The situation that God had provided for them could be more than wonderful, as long as they remembered who made it all possible.
The more I pondered on this, the more I recognized the parallels between the promised land and covenant marriage. It is all too easy for us to question whether our relationships have the ability to be as beautiful as advertised; we begin to pay more attention to the “hard to live in” aspect of the promised land instead of looking to the One who has covenanted to make it a place where we can prosper. As we remember and honor the covenant we made with our spouse and the Lord in His Holy Temple, we are entitled to the strength, prosperity and beautification of our marriage that only He can supply. We are protected against the enemies of disillusionment, apathy, contempt, selfishness and other devices the adversary uses to try and weaken our commitment to each other. Just as the children of Israel in the promised Land, we must choose to remember the Lord daily in order to experience all the blessings that God intended for our marriage.
So, how can we better look to the Lord and honor our marital covenants? Maybe that looks like being a better friend to our spouse by supporting them in what they are passionate about. Maybe we need to be more intentional about our efforts to pray and study the scriptures together. Or maybe we can become a more Christlike companion by comforting and supporting our spouse when they are struggling. Whatever you are inspired to do, the Lord will help you accomplish. He will help you make your marriage as wonderful as you are willing to make it. He wants so badly for you to succeed!
I still don’t particularly like the phrase “make it work” in the context of a marriage relationship–in my opinion, it implies force and lacks the emotional connotation an eternal companionship deserves. God desires much more for our marriage than joyless labor! But the fact still stands that the best things in our lives, our eternal relationships, will hardly be effortless. We will not see the beauty of the promised land without constant attention to the covenants we have made with the Creator of all that is beautiful.
