In today’s world, conflict is a word that sends most people into a quick panic. It seems like conflict is everywhere, and it is something people want to avoid at all costs, especially in their relationships!

Believe it or not—most relationships will have some sort of conflict daily.

Believe it or not—there are some simple tips to help you work through this!

From trying to remember who’s turn it is to take out the trash to finding a way to make a new budget, here are five steps to help you in your conflict resolution.

1) Remember: when handled correctly, conflict can be a way to strengthen your relationship.

Conflict really IS part of every relationship. This doesn’t mean you have permission to be mean on purpose and just shrug conflict off like, “Oh well, everybody fights.” No! This just means is that is it normal for two people to have different opinions, and it doesn’t need to feel like the end of the world. Having differing opinions is a great opportunity to learn more about your significant other. Work together to find where you can meet in the middle. Make up and make out!

2) Don’t be tricked into an amygdala hijack.

A what? That’s right, an amygdala hijack is actually a real thing! Your amygdala is the emotional regulator of your brain. When you start feeling emotional, this means your amygdala has triggered your fight or flight mode. In this state, you will probably say something (or a lot of things) you don’t really mean. If you start to feel yourself getting a little crazy, take a few deep breaths.

Remember that YOU are in control of your choices. Stay in tune with your body and notice when you start to lose control. Learn to control your thoughts and your feelings in the heat of a moment.

3) Learn the art of taking a 10-minute break and then trying again.

How this works: Notice yourself getting emotionally worked up, say, “I am too emotional to talk about this rationally right now.” Suggest taking a 10-minute break. Promise to return to finish the conversation.

During the 10-minutes, take a walk, do some pushups, listen to some of your favorite music, or write down 5 things you are grateful for. Clear your head and calm down. DO NOT use this time to practice your argument for when you return!!

It is also important to note that you actually say, “Let’s come back in 10 minutes.” Just walking away from an argument or disagreement with your partner is not a healthy practice in and of itself.

4) Schedule a time to talk through your conflict.

Sometimes, it will make the most sense to start your conflict resolution right as the conflict comes up. But sometimes, it may be better for your relationship to schedule a time the next day to talk about it. This gives you and your partner time to be separated from the emotional triggers of the situation. You can come together calmly and more rationally.

This idea runs counter to the popular phrase, “Never go to bed angry!” But listen… sometimes, after you have a good night’s rest, you will wake up with a fresh mind and attitude. That thing you were so mad about last night? Turns out you were actually just tired. In the morning, you learn you aren’t even angry, and you just saved yourself an argument.

5) Use “I” statements.

I know this sounds kind of cheesy, but using “I” statements really will make a difference in your conflict resolution. If you are starting a sentence with something like “You never…” it is usually pretty likely that your partner will get defensive quickly. Starting your sentences with phrases like, “I felt like way when…” or “I read into what you said this way…” invites discussion about the problem, rather than pointing fingers at each other.

BONUS 6) Focus on creating more positive experiences for you and your partner.

Relationship researcher John Gottman has found that for each negative interaction you have with your significant other (such as an argument), you should strive to have at least four positive experiences together to counter the negative! This means that one of the main keys to having successful conflict resolution is to focus on building a friendship, keeping the spark alive, and making fun memories together!

Conflict in your relationship doesn’t have to be a scary thing! When handled correctly, it can be a great tool for growth. Practice these tools to resolve the conflict in your relationship. You may even find that you truly become a better version of yourself as you work together in unity.