On my first Valentine’s Day with my husband, I was so excited. I had expectations of a romantic dinner followed by a passionate evening at home. Things started off well as we had made a reservation weeks in advance to Olive Garden. We had received a gift card for our wedding and were excited to go all out! We ate breadsticks and salad, and then ordered lasagna. We decided to really make it a night to remember by even ordering dessert! Luxurious!

Unfortunately, by the time the dessert came I was feeling absolutely stuffed. I tried to eat a couple of bites, but ended up running to the bathroom where I fought the urge to throw up all the expensive food I had just eaten. We went home and wanted to do absolutely nothing – and definitely nothing passionate. We ended up watching an action movie and went to bed.

Through the years, I’ve learned quite a few things about Valentines Day and how to make it the day of love that you and your spouse truly hope for it to be and I would like to share some of those with you!

Communicate Expectations

Is someone going to be in charge? Are you going to switch off every year? Will you exchange gifts? Go out? Stay in? Communicating these expectations are absolutely critical! A friend of mine recently told me that her and her husband swore that they would not do gifts of any kind, but they received a random Amazon package that now has her stressed that he did, in fact, buy her a gift. Situations like these can be awkward and uncomfortable, so talking about it ahead of time can save you a lot of discomfort!

Plan Ahead

That fateful first Valentine’s Day at Olive Garden, the lounge was absolutely packed. Thankfully we had made reservations weeks prior and didn’t have to wait longer than 20 minutes, but there were people who had been there for over an hour! And who wants to spend that much time in an Olive Garden lounge packed like sardines on Valentines Day?! Plan ahead! If you and your spouse decide to go out to eat, decide on a restaurant a couple weeks before and make a reservation. You can spend that hour you would have spent waiting doing something else more enjoyable!

It’s OK If Your Valentine’s Day Celebrations Look Different

I wanted to go to Olive Garden our first year together because I felt like that’s what everyone else did. I wanted a bouquet of flowers and a cute card. I wanted everything that I thought was “the norm”. But I quickly realized that maybe I didn’t want the norm. Maybe I was okay with doing something different.

Since then, we have chosen to stay home every year for Valentines Day. No waiting in lines or paying for expensive food. Instead, we choose a fun dinner and dessert we can make at home and eat it over candlelight. This year I am making pink and purple heart-shaped ravioli! It doesn’t necessarily need to be a big production. Even pink food-dyed pancakes could be fun.

I also realized that I didn’t actually want a big bouquet of flowers on Valentines Day. Flowers are always priced a bit higher around Valentines Day to accommodate the demand. I would rather get a surprise bouquet of flowers from my husband sometime between January-March. Flowers are much more romantic when you don’t expect them!

Maybe you even choose to not celebrate Valentine’s Day on February 14th, but rather a different day. Maybe the 14th is during the week, but you’d prefer a weekend evening to not worry about putting the kids to bed at the same time or getting to work early the next day. Or maybe the 14th is on a weekend, but you’d rather celebrate on a weekday to beat the crowds!

The point of this whole section is, you don’t need to feel FOMO when you see everyone’s posts on Valentines Day out at fancy restaurants or with their huge bouquets of flowers. However you choose to celebrate this day of love, just make it something special to you.

Try Something New in the Bedroom

Holidays like Valentines Day are a great time to start new traditions in the bedroom. I’m sure you’re thinking, “I’m sorry. What?! Traditions in the bedroom?” Yes. Traditions in the bedroom. For example, each Halloween one of my friend’s favorite traditions is buying a new sexy costume that she gets to surprise her husband with. She says it’s so fun to browse and also anticipate his reaction! Maybe you could choose to do something similar by purchasing a new piece of lingerie each year. My favorite lingerie is from Mentionables. You can use the code TAMMY10 for a discount!

You could also purchase a new book about sexual intimacy to read together as a couple. The best part of books like that are usually the homework! 😉 Tammy has a whole section on books she recommends here. Another educational thing that could be fun to gift to your spouse is Tammy & Jeff’s Virtual Making Love Retreat. They are held every October & April. They fill up fast, but registration can be found under the “Events” tab at the top of this page.

You could also try a new bedroom experience! Tammy’s “Gift Ideas” highlight bubble on Instagram has several great ideas like massage candles, massage oils, couples lubricants, and more!

Whatever you end up doing this Valentine’s Day, I hope that you end up having a day where you feel loved by your partner. Remember if you do have high expectations for this day, you need to communicate those to your partner. They aren’t a mind reader! Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!