My husband and I recently bought our first home! With it, has come a lot of learning. One of the first things we realized when we moved into our house was there were no blinds! With large sliding doors on the backside of each of our three levels, we felt a bit like we were living in a zoo where everyone could peer in. So one of the first things on our list was to put up some vertical blinds.

Putting up blinds is similar to putting a picture up on the wall. Though, before when we were renting we never drilled holes in the wall. We used velcro backings to stick it to the wall and a level to make sure it was straight. Putting up blinds added the drilling element as well a much larger item to level. It was stressful to say the least!

Yet, as we put up these blinds on each sliding glass door, I learned quite a lot about marriage in general.

I have always told everyone that I was the “handy woman” in our relationship. I was the one who knew how to fix the plumbing in the bathroom and felt I could operate a drill pretty well. My husband is better with the tech and software side of things. So when we started this project, I was a bit surprised when he was the one who took charge and wanted to use the drill and put them up.

At first my pride kicked in a bit. For the first round of blinds I found myself constantly asking, “Would you like me to do it? How about I try?” when things would go wrong. I was sure that I could do a much better job than he was doing. It was almost frustrating to watch him struggle because I thought I could do it so much faster!

After asking several times and being shot down, I finally backed off a bit. Which is when he asked me if I wanted to drill some of the holes! I was thrilled! But much to my surprise, it was much more difficult than I anticipated and after trying a few times to get just one screw in the wall, I gave him back the drill and let him finish it.

We were frustrated with each other and the literal hours it was taking us to get these blinds up correctly. It was late at night and we decided to just go to bed and try the second round of blinds in the morning.

As we moved to the second sliding glass door, my perspective changed completely! Rather than nag at him for doing it imperfectly or get frustrated when he took his time, I decided to be a cheerleader. I told him I was confident in his abilities and grateful for his help. I made sure I had everything he needed and I stood close by to give them to him rather than criticize his work.

Even after already putting the blinds up once, we still hit some snags and took a couple of hours or so to get the next set of blinds up. But rather than feel frustrated and argumentative with each other, we had fun together. When things went wrong, we laughed and felt confident we would still be able to make it work. When we finished we put our arms around each other to step back and admire our work rather than roll our eyes and be grateful it was the end of the day.

Our experience putting up the second set of blinds was so different than the first, and it was in large part due to our attitudes towards each other. In marriage, it can be easy to think we are better at handling the finances, cooking dinner, or even driving. But if we don’t give our spouses the chance to learn, and to encourage them while they try, they may never get the chance to grow or become better! Like me, you may even be surprised and find they are actually better at it than you are!

Marriage is a team sport. If you don’t pass the ball every once and awhile, you may find that you are less efficient than you would be otherwise.

So the next time your spouse wants to try something new, choose to learn with them. Be encouraging and patient. Because I am sure you would want them to do the same thing for you!