Congratulations! You did it! You chose sometime to spend the rest of your life with and you no longer have to deal with some of the struggles of dating. Or do you? Finding other married couple friends can often feel a lot like dating. Granted, you aren’t choosing someone for eternity. But you still are looking for people to make new memories with!

Unfortunately, finding married couple friends can seem even harder than dating. Rather than you and one other person needing to get along, there are four of you. Four different personalities, four different sets of hobbies, etc. It can get complicated. But as difficult as it sounds, it is worth it and can overall be a fun process for you and your partner.

My husband and I recently moved across the country to Baltimore, Maryland. As much as many people would say there were other things I should have been more worried about, I was the most worried about making friends. We have no family out here, and we would need to make friends that felt like family so we could have adequate social support.

We have lived here for three months now and have made incredible friends. And we continue to make amazing friends as we get to know other couples living in the area. I don’t think that we have been able to make friends simply because there were people here to make friends with, rather we put in effort to create opportunities that allowed friendships to flourish. There are a few steps we took to get to the point where we are today, and I think they could be helpful to any other couple in a similar situation!

#1: Ask for referrals!

When we first moved into the area, we became quite involved in our ward. But it seemed like there weren’t very many other couples in a similar situation to us (young, childless, graduate students). We have no problem making friends with people who are different than us, but sometimes it seems easiest to make friends who are in a similar life stage. Yet families in the area have been amazing! They have us over for dinner and always ask if we have met certain couples who they know live in the area. That helped us know who to keep an eye out for. Kind of similar to dating and being set up with someone. It doesn’t always work, but it can!

#2: Don’t underestimate a cold text.

One of the first things I did when I found out we were moving was post on my Instagram page asking if anyone knew other couples who lived in Maryland. A few friends sent me the handles for people they knew, and so I followed them on social media! After living here a couple of weeks, I reached out to one of the women that I followed, said I had just moved to the area, and asked if she wanted to get together. We got together the next day and our friendship has been flourishing since! Had I not reached out, I am not sure we would have ever met!

#3: Network, network, network!

One of the easiest ways to meet a bunch of other couples is to host a big event. Invite a few couples that you already know, and ask them to invite some of the couples that they know! One way that we have done that here is by hosting get togethers at the park! We invite some of our friends from different wards and have them invite their friends! By meeting at a park, you know you will have enough space for plenty of people so you don’t have to worry about who all is coming. Ask people to bring their own chairs/blankets to sit on and to pack their own lunch or bring something to share! This allows for you and your partner to get to know several couples at the same time and kind of narrow in on who you feel like you both click the most with.

#4: Make time to invite people over.

I feel like this one may seem like the most time intensive one and possibly bring the most stress to your marriage. BUT it is one of the best ways to show people that you really care about them and want to get to know them. Who doesn’t want to be invited over to someone’s house for dinner, a game night, etc.?!

Choose a time that works well for you and your partner, and stick to it. Whether it be once a week or once a month, be sure to choose a time you can dedicate to developing friendships.

As I mentioned, it can sometimes bring stress to your marriage to host other couples in your home. Decide as a couple what things you value as hosts. Do you care if your house is clean? How clean? Do you feel like you need to have food? Will you be making that food or doing take out? Do you like having games you can play or do you prefer strictly conversation? How can you best prepare these things ahead of time so that when it comes time for guests to arrive that you don’t feel stressed?

#5: Be thoughtful.

One of the simplest ways to deepening friendships is by being thoughtful. Put your friends’ birthdays in your calendar and stop by with a card or treat. Send a mid-week text asking about school/work is going. Take note of important things going on in their lives and ask about them when you see them.

You and your partner can find people that you both think would make great friends, but unless you put in the effort of developing that friendship it probably won’t go anywhere. People need to feel like they belong in a relationship. You can achieve this by being more thoughtful!

I think it’s important to mention that we should make friends with everyone. You might not click perfectly with every couple that you meet, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still potential to grow and learn about each other. Look at your own spouse! Do the two of you have absolutely everything in common? I would bet not. And you still manage to get along great (most of the time 😉). Be sure to stay open-minded when it comes to making friends. You never know which friends will stick around and who will leave!